5/17/2016 0 Comments #NAKEDME“Back when I got my Eagle Scout I was pretty happy. It’s a long process and it’s basically six years that build up to one project and one moment, And to know that I accomplished that challenge to the best of my ability and made a positive impact felt really nice. It was good to finally have a pay off. And then I was able to march in the 2014 Rose Parade. It’s just one of those things that you never forget." “Most people don’t know this about me but I am a triplet.” “At the beginning of my freshman year I had trouble developing a solid friend group. I felt like I was kind of just on my own a little bit, And it just took me a while to find people that I naturally clicked with. I didn’t want to force myself to be anything that I wasn't, And I wanted to find a group that I could be myself with, Instead of putting a mask on and being someone that they wanted me to be.” “I'm really stepping out of my comfort zone with this project. I'm not usually one to express my emotions and inner thoughts and be vulnerable, But I think you need to step out of your comfort zone in order to grow. I’m not sure if I'm scared of feeling weak, Or if the scary part of being vulnerable is something that I don’t want to face.” “I fear spiders. I hate spiders. Also I am afraid that I’m going to perceived as someone who doesn't know what he's doing, Like a waste of time and space.” “I’m proud of my determination and willingness to always learn and grow. I recognize that I'm far from my greatest potential or peak of my abilities, And that there’s always room to learn and improve upon myself. I'm also proud of the fact that I make the conscious effort to always try to be there for others. I like to make sure that people that are close to me are doing well, And I try to be there to brighten their day. I like to see them smile. I like to be as much of a day brightener as possible.” “I’m ashamed of how I sometimes perceive myself, Like how I perceive my body and how I look. Sometimes I feel overlooked but a lot of it is just in my head, Like I'll think to myself 'Oh I don’t look good enough,' or I'll think I don't fit the part, And I shouldn’t do that to myself. I should just be confident and be who I am. I'm just trying to think less about what others think." “'You never know until you try' is a motto that I try to live by. Also, 'everything happens for a reason.' I believe that you just have to make the most of everything that happens. You don’t judge a man’s character by how he’s knocked down but by how he picks himself up and responds to the situation.” “I dislike my lack of confidence sometimes and the pressure that I add to myself.” “I love my family and I love my friends.
I love what the future has in store for me. It’s kind of a mystery and an adventure and it’s cool and exciting. I love what has happened to me because it’s kind of shaped who I am today.”
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5/16/2016 0 Comments #NAKEDME“One of the happiest times I had was when I went to Tahiti over spring break. On our last day there my mom took us on a boat excursion to swim with sharks and stingrays, And I thought I would be really scared, But when I got in the water it was so calming and I felt totally at peace. Something that I thought was scary or terrifying was actually one of the happiest moments in my life.” “This past week my dog that I had for 14 years passed away. I had her since I was six and my mom got her for me because I’m an only child, So my dog kind of became my sibling. She was a huge part of my life even though she was tiny and a dog haha, But losing her was really hard, it was like losing a child or a sibling.” “The last time I felt really exposed was in my last relationship. I’ve always been afraid of letting my guard down. It’s scary to feel vulnerable and out there but he encouraged me to do that, Because it’s healthy to feel vulnerable and be honest with yourself and people that are important to you. So yeah I just completely opened up to this person And it was honestly a huge learning lesson to me in who I am and what I value and what I’m passionate about." "This year I realized that I am so proud of the different nationalities that I’m made up of and how I identify myself as a person through that. I am Hawaiian, Japanese, Filipino, Korean, Portuguese, German, English, Dutch, and French. Being away from home has made me so much more proud of being Hawaiian, And I’m sad that I took that for granted when I was home. You don’t realize how important that is when you’re there, But being here it’s helped me to identify myself more with different people, And connect more with others cause we have that same common background" “I’m ashamed of not being fully confident when I don’t wear makeup. Like I’m not the type of person who will take 2 hours to get ready in the morning and put a full face on, But I have to put on at least mascara and do my eyebrows and put on lipgloss and have my hair somewhat done, And I feel like you’re not fully able to appreciate yourself or love yourself, If you can’t accept what you look like w/o makeup or w/o your hair done. So I’ve been trying to work on that but it’s hard because I feel exposed and I don’t like that.” “I get really irritated and angry when people underestimate my strength. Because of my appearances people will tell me you’re so cute you’re not powerful as a woman, And it’s just so crazy that people think like that. In one of my jobs I have to answer phones and multiple times people have asked me if I'm qualified because I have a high voice, Or they'll ask to talk to my supervisor. And I get offended by that because it's very degrading. People shouldn't question my level of expertise just because I sound younger or look younger or am a woman. People judge your experience on things based off of what they hear or what they see. I just don’t like it when people don’t take me seriously." “One of my favorite authors is Anthony Bourdain. I have all of his books. I don’t know a lot about the culinary world, But I love his sarcasm and his wittiness and I admire a sinsister type of writing. I've always wanted to write like that." “I'm scared of dying alone, Like just being in that situation where I know I’m going to die and not having anyone around me. That’s a pretty scary thought. My other fear is my biggest fear cause it's inevitable, But I am so afraid of the day that both of my parents are gone, Because I am so close with them and they are literally everything to me. Just being able to mvoe forward after that is a very scary thought." “I wish that I wouldn’t compare myself so much to other people. I wish that I could be careless and do my own thing and be proud of what I do, But I’m always comparing myself to friends, colleagues, classmates, family, and even people I don't know, And that comes in conflict with me doing what I'm doing. It's toxic." “I’ve been planning my next tattoo since my cross country road trip last year. Pretty much everywhere we drove, there were always these fields of wild flowers, And it was so beautiful because it was in the middle of nowhere, And here were these vibrant and crazy flowers. So I want to get a bouquet of wildflowers from places that I am fond of, Like a California poppy and something from Hawaii, And I want it to be tied with a string so that it's a reminder, Like how you tie a string on your finger so you never forget something. I never want to forget to grow free and wild and to find beauty in unexpected places. On top of that I want to get honeybees surrounding the bouquet because my mom and I are obsessed with honeybees.” "I love my ability to feel everything I experience deeply and fully.
It's both a blessing and a curse, but I've learned to love it and appreciate it so much, Because everything in my life is vivid. Feeling everything down to my core and my soul is something that I wouldn't trade for anything!" 5/13/2016 0 Comments #NAKEDME“My boyfriend took me to Disneyland for our one-year anniversary, And I never got to go when I was younger, And it was so nice to go when you’re an adult because you can actually remember what happens. I also just love spending time with my boyfriend because he came into my life at a time When I was wondering if I was actually deserving of love, So I was really blessed to meet him. Also he held my hand on all the rides and that was awesome." “When I was a junior in high school both of my grandparents on my mom's side passed away. They were the glue that held everyone together, So when they weren't there our family started to drift apart, We didn't see each other as much and that was tough for me. My grades suffered and my friends were concerned about me, But they talked to guidance counselors about it instead of talking to me. When I got called in, I thought I was in trouble and I was so embarassed because I didn't really tell a lot of people what happened.” “I'm so proud of myself for pushing through this year. I had an internship and two leadership positions and a senior capstone, So it was a huge growing up process because there were some days that I was gone for 12 hours. I did more growing up this semester than I did my entire college career.” “I didn’t really realize how privileged I actually was when I was growing up. My mom was the sole breadwinner for our family and we relied on her paycheck, And I just didn’t realize my parents were trying so hard to give me a good life, And I wish that I would have appreciated them more. When I was growing up I was mad at my parents for not giving me what eveyrone else had, And I’m still mad at myself for not appreciating for what they were able to do for me." "A defining moment for me was starting college. For a while I thought that college was going to be a wondrous escape, But I had to grow up really fast due to issues of feeling lonely and problems with roommates. I was forced to get to know myself because I realized I didn't know myself as well as I thought I did." "I’m really proud of my writing ability. I write about difficult issues that people just don’t talk about. The story I got an award for was about child abuse so I write dark pieces, Which most people purposefully stray away from. I've definitely seen myself grow as a writer at my time at Chapman.” “I kind of don’t like my body sometimes specifically my lower half. I’m ashamed of my legs even though they’re really long, And I feel uncomfortable wearing short shorts. But I’ve been working out more so I feel more empowered, But there are still days when I look in the mirror and say 'ew.' When I was a sophomore in high school, I started training in ballet seriously, And I was placed in classes with prepubescent girls because I was late, And I felt awkward and fat in front of them because I had breasts and hips, And even though I was three or four years older than them, I was very aware of the fact that I looked different than them." "I'm afraid of loneliness. In high school I didn’t feel like I had any solid friends and that was really tough for me. I felt like nobody really understood the kind of issues that I was having and the people that were my friends would give me backhanded compliments, So I worry that I’m going to lose people and not be close to anyone at the end of the day." “I want to love myself more.
I mean I’m pretty badass when I think about it. I’ve grown so much as a person and I’m strong because of that and because I’ve gone through so much, And I’m proud of who I've become. Lately a lot of people have been telling me that I’m going to go far after graduation, And now I can feel comfrtable saying 'Yes I will,' And it took me a long time to gain that comfort but now that I do, I feel amazing. Honestly I got in my own way a lot. I am such a perfectionist. If I do one thing wrong, I'll get so down on myself. I would blame myself for a lot of things, But now I’m happy and content knowing that I’m not perfect and that’s okay.” 5/1/2016 2 Comments #NAKEDME“I transferred schools. I went to school in Boston last year and I had never been to California before. I just went with my gut and just did it on a whim, And I had a very rough experience in Boston so I was incredibly anxiety-ridden coming here. I didn't know anyone and I don't open up easily, And everyone had already set their friend groups and known each other for a year since it's a small school, And I was just jumping into it. Ultimately it worked out really well, But those experiences when you go into something headfirst and go off your gut feeling are really naked.” “I’m the biggest nerd in the entire world. I love Star Wars and Harry Potter and I love reading, I actually read books for fun. I am literally so nerdy but I don’t give off that vibe outwardly. I was a math major my freshman year ; I love math, writing, books, and art. I sketch a lot too, but it’s not something I braodcast I guess. I guess that people see my intellectual side through my writing, But they still don't really seem to see the depth of my passions. Like on Saturday nights I read books.” “I was very obsessed with body image in high school. I was very thin and didn't take care of myself, I didn't have a diagnosis but definitely was not mentally treating myself right, And I am ashamed of that because it's emotionally scarring so I didn't fully recover from it. It comes up when I look at pictures and I have to stop myself and say, 'You're not fat, this is how you're built,' But I hate that because it's so hard to escape and is just mentally reoccurring and I have to snap myself out of it a lot.” “My dad had brain cancer. He was diagnosed when I was a freshman in high school, And he was only supposed to live eight months but he lived for two years and passed away when I was sixteen. That was the most defining moment in my life just because it was an experience that most people don't have, And a lot of kids our age even 20s and 30s just look at life with this idealistic view. But I'm kind of in a boat where I have accepted certain realities, And that's made me more accepting of the beauty and people around me, And more conscious that it's limited and that you only get so much time with people and nature. My dad's passing away has made me who I am: good and bad. I'm not happy it happened but looking back I'm sort of glad it happened because it’s taught me so much.” “I love my tattoos. I love expression. Some people regret their tattoos but I’m so proud of mine, Like when people notice them, it touches my heart, And it always feels like I'm wearing myself on my sleeve. I got my first tattoo when I was sixteen. It's a brain cancer ribbon with flowers on it, And I got it as a symbol of what I've been through. The flowers are pink and blue, which are my dad and I's favorite colors. My second tattoo is on my ribcage and is my dad’s handwriting that says, 'I love you -popa' During that time I was struggling, And I wanted to feel like I was carrying him with me always, So I got that tattoo close to my heart. I got the tattoo on my back last summer and it's of nine crows. They represent my family since it's my six siblings, me, my mom, and my dad. The top bird is faded and in blue ink and its wings are the only ones fully spread. I call this one the flight of life. I chose crows because a lot of people associate them with death and negative things, But they are actually extremely intelligent and scavengers so they make do with what they have. My tattoo on my arm means 'Travel the earth onward forever.' It's in hieroglyphics so the line means travel, The bottom is earth, The elipses are representaiton of infinity, And I chose to put onward in type because that's my favorite word in the entire English language. I imagine people on a trek and they'll say 'Onward!' And we're just always moving, Wherever we are in life, we continue to move onward. Traveling is a reminder that there is so much out there, And that it's stupid to get caught up in some stupid guy or homework. There’s so much out there and there's so much onward.” “I’m really scared of ending up alone. I'll always say I don't need a man but I have so much love to give in that way, And I'm scared that I'll never be able to give that love to someone, Like it's there and I don't know what to do with it and that's one of my biggest fears." “I’m very proud of who I’ve become through adversity.
I was never sure of myself growing up. I always second guessed myself and was always the person who walked down a hallway with my head down, But as I've grown up I've developed a 'I don't give a shit' attitude, And I think that's something to be proud of, Because it takes a while for most people to get there, And some people never get there. It can get me into trouble sometimes but I like holding my head high.” |