5/1/2016 2 Comments #NAKEDME“I transferred schools. I went to school in Boston last year and I had never been to California before. I just went with my gut and just did it on a whim, And I had a very rough experience in Boston so I was incredibly anxiety-ridden coming here. I didn't know anyone and I don't open up easily, And everyone had already set their friend groups and known each other for a year since it's a small school, And I was just jumping into it. Ultimately it worked out really well, But those experiences when you go into something headfirst and go off your gut feeling are really naked.” “I’m the biggest nerd in the entire world. I love Star Wars and Harry Potter and I love reading, I actually read books for fun. I am literally so nerdy but I don’t give off that vibe outwardly. I was a math major my freshman year ; I love math, writing, books, and art. I sketch a lot too, but it’s not something I braodcast I guess. I guess that people see my intellectual side through my writing, But they still don't really seem to see the depth of my passions. Like on Saturday nights I read books.” “I was very obsessed with body image in high school. I was very thin and didn't take care of myself, I didn't have a diagnosis but definitely was not mentally treating myself right, And I am ashamed of that because it's emotionally scarring so I didn't fully recover from it. It comes up when I look at pictures and I have to stop myself and say, 'You're not fat, this is how you're built,' But I hate that because it's so hard to escape and is just mentally reoccurring and I have to snap myself out of it a lot.” “My dad had brain cancer. He was diagnosed when I was a freshman in high school, And he was only supposed to live eight months but he lived for two years and passed away when I was sixteen. That was the most defining moment in my life just because it was an experience that most people don't have, And a lot of kids our age even 20s and 30s just look at life with this idealistic view. But I'm kind of in a boat where I have accepted certain realities, And that's made me more accepting of the beauty and people around me, And more conscious that it's limited and that you only get so much time with people and nature. My dad's passing away has made me who I am: good and bad. I'm not happy it happened but looking back I'm sort of glad it happened because it’s taught me so much.” “I love my tattoos. I love expression. Some people regret their tattoos but I’m so proud of mine, Like when people notice them, it touches my heart, And it always feels like I'm wearing myself on my sleeve. I got my first tattoo when I was sixteen. It's a brain cancer ribbon with flowers on it, And I got it as a symbol of what I've been through. The flowers are pink and blue, which are my dad and I's favorite colors. My second tattoo is on my ribcage and is my dad’s handwriting that says, 'I love you -popa' During that time I was struggling, And I wanted to feel like I was carrying him with me always, So I got that tattoo close to my heart. I got the tattoo on my back last summer and it's of nine crows. They represent my family since it's my six siblings, me, my mom, and my dad. The top bird is faded and in blue ink and its wings are the only ones fully spread. I call this one the flight of life. I chose crows because a lot of people associate them with death and negative things, But they are actually extremely intelligent and scavengers so they make do with what they have. My tattoo on my arm means 'Travel the earth onward forever.' It's in hieroglyphics so the line means travel, The bottom is earth, The elipses are representaiton of infinity, And I chose to put onward in type because that's my favorite word in the entire English language. I imagine people on a trek and they'll say 'Onward!' And we're just always moving, Wherever we are in life, we continue to move onward. Traveling is a reminder that there is so much out there, And that it's stupid to get caught up in some stupid guy or homework. There’s so much out there and there's so much onward.” “I’m really scared of ending up alone. I'll always say I don't need a man but I have so much love to give in that way, And I'm scared that I'll never be able to give that love to someone, Like it's there and I don't know what to do with it and that's one of my biggest fears." “I’m very proud of who I’ve become through adversity.
I was never sure of myself growing up. I always second guessed myself and was always the person who walked down a hallway with my head down, But as I've grown up I've developed a 'I don't give a shit' attitude, And I think that's something to be proud of, Because it takes a while for most people to get there, And some people never get there. It can get me into trouble sometimes but I like holding my head high.”
2 Comments
Jordi, I a without words, you are one amazing young woman. Insightful, wise beyond your years, I am so proud of you. That special
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Kate The Great
5/2/2016 07:52:46 am
I love you JordO :)))
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