11/29/2015 0 Comments Why I Stopped Weighing MyselfMost people have trouble with weight at some point in their life. In fact, body image issues, eating disorders, and obsessions with dieting are so common nowadays that those who are confident in their weight, body, and eating habits are almost considered outsiders. Adolescents are expected by their parents to go through a phase in which they ache to transform into the people they see in movies, magazines, and more. This is normal. This is wrong. For most of my life, I've always considered myself the biggest girl of the family. Growing up with an Asian mother and twin sister who took after her was hard, as I constantly compared myself to these tiny women, and questioned "why don't I look like them?" Throughout high school I watched my friends inevitably echo the words they had been trying to push away: "I need to lose weight" "I need to start a diet," or maybe "I have to go running now." People around me became so concerned with their weight and the way they looked, so set on a goal that they couldn't see the real, beautiful them staring back at them in the mirror. Like with every goal, you have failures. You have regression and you have feelings of guilt and defeat. What I've noticed is that many people nowadays are so concerned with living a healthy lifestyle that ironically they're doing the exact opposite of that. They're so set on eating leafy greens, minimizing the amount of food in their stomach, and running 5 miles a day, that they don't notice all the bad that these "healthy actions" are causing. Many times, this intense focus comes paired with "cheat days." On these occasions, we allow ourselves to indulge in the things we enjoy before we go back to our miserable routine. This is ridiculous. Of course eating 10 chocolate chip cookies every night before bed isn't the best habit and diets are put into action in order to save ourselves from health conditions. But these strict rules we are creating are actually making us more susceptible for other health conditions! We mentally and physically suffer from diets. We fight with ourselves to persevere through this discomfort, reprimand ourselves when we can't do it, and stop ourselves from improving our self esteem. I'm not suggesting that ALL diets are bad or that people who diet are idiots, but I'm merely trying to make people aware that the fad of diets is more dangerous than most realize. Eating healthy is great but that doesn't mean that you have to guilt trip yourself when you want to eat ice cream. Healthy eating is allowing yourself to do what makes you happy and not feeling bad about that. Since I've been more lenient towards myself when it comes to eating, I actually feel healthier. I'm not sure if I lost weight as I no longer weigh myself. Weight is just a number, yes, but it still affects me when I see it. If I look in the mirror and am happy with how I look, that's what matters, and so I don't need another reason to label myself.
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11/28/2015 31 Comments Untitled ThoughtsMy life changes depending who I am around and that fascinates and scares me at the same time. She told me to stay true to who I am and I don't think that I'm changing for anyone or because of anyone but rather I am opening myself up to the world. I can't possibly "stay true to who I am" when I am still on a journey of creating myself. You can't tell a piece of clay not to change while you are already massaging its coolness in your hands.
11/22/2015 0 Comments Thoughts About You IIYou're everywhere. You're the charming prince in the book I can't put down. You're the tug of the universe pulling me to the ground and you're the whisper of the sunrise lifting me back into myself. You're the sweet melody pouring into my ears and the salty sound of desire burning on my tongue. You're the question I've been asking the morning birds and you're the answer to a small girl holding back tears. You are everywhere. Everywhere but here. Suffocated, choked By words and fingers crawling around my body like Incessant ants lighting fires and putting out night lights Wrecking cars and teaching children How to spell "mayhem" before they learn "love" You are a student dressed in your Sunday best Only to abandon your inhibitions and Drop them on my bedroom floor I assume you'll call this morning To pick up the secrets you accidentally leaked out onto the sheets What you don't know is I've already done the laundry To be thorough I scrubbed my skin with bleach Leaving no evidence you ever visited Sometimes when I shower, I scrub my scalp so hard it bleeds I am trying to remember you and forget you at the same time Your kisses envelop me You write a love letter to me by Sucking on my skin Each time adding a word You wrote a whole paragraph on my lips When you reached my thighs, Your lips climbed a staircase of fading words, Never-received tattoos, And diary entries I thought I had hidden better You found memories between my legs You found something I had placed out in the open, Wrapped with a bow, trying To make my pain more presentable But that isn't love, that's the art of writing And I guess sometimes I think the two are the same When I run my fingers through your hair, I cannot help but remember his thick, bushy locks.
And I laugh and think of how feeling each strand of your hair, is a physical reminder of letting him go. Thinning out my life...to make room for more. 11/21/2015 0 Comments Poem: Time Passes1. When you realize your parents will stop taking care of you soon and you'll have to start acting like an adult 2. When you decide to treat yourself to some sweets after a week of trying a juice cleanse 3. When you try to turn your life around after realizing you're kind of at the bottom of a slippery slope 4. When you decide to drink some Jungle Juice at a party 5. When you're just not feeling yourself 6. When you try to do homework, but there are just sooooo many distractions and suddenly it's two in the morning 7. When you register for an 8am class, text your ex, and volunteer to go first for presentations all in one day 8. When you get into trivial fights with your roommates 9. When you struggle to tell your significant other what's really bothering you 10. When you explain to your friends at Sunday brunch how much you drank last night (P.S. they probably don't care) Thank you BoJack for understanding us.
11/19/2015 0 Comments WORKing Towards a Brighter FutureWhen I came to college, I was positive that I wanted to be a teacher. After all, I had been spending years buying teacher planners at Barnes and Noble and forcing parents to play school with me. It was pretty obvious what I was going to do with my life. But as things like this always seem to work out, I changed my mind...and my major...three times. I mean, how am I supposed to know what I want to do for a living when I can't even decide if I want to go out tonight or binge-watch Aziz Ansari's new show: Master of None? I started working for an organization called THINK Together last year, in which I volunteer at a nearby elementary and help a class of kindergarteners and first graders with their homework, read to them, play outside, etc. etc. Originally I chose this sort of a job because I felt it would be beneficial since I wanted to eventually teach. But since I changed my major, I've been pondering if this is the best way to spend 10-12 hours a week of my time. I love the kids. I love the flexible hours. But I hate the pressure of feeling like I might not be making the right choice. After struggling with this dilemma for a little while (and sticking with my job) I have ironically come back to a desire of teaching. Who knows how long this career choice will last, but as of now I have begun researching PRAXIS tests I'll have to suffer through and other fun things like that. But all joking aside, education matters to me and it always will. I strongly believe that teachers are one of the most important professions and that the education system can make or break a person, a society, a nation, or even a world. I decided to interview one of my coworkers on his thoughts of education. Read the interview below! What is one change you would make to the education system? As crazy as this might sound, the one change I would make would be to make all education free. Education would be free for everyone including at the college level. This would give people who cannot afford college the equal opportunity as a student who is able to afford one. Why do you teach? I teach because I feel that education is one of the most important aspects in life and that everyone should have the opportunity to an education if they desire it. Besides gaining knowledge, what is the main purpose of going to school? A main purpose of going to school is to interact and socialize with other people. Being able to be around other people that are the same age as you helps you to develop social skills that will be useful in meeting new people. If you had to choose would you rather not be allowed to ever punish/reprimand your students or not be allowed to ever praise/compliment them? I think I would rather not be allowed to ever punish or reprimand my students because I find that praising and complimenting a student is much more rewarding. Although there will be students who misbehave and need to be punished, nothing is more powerful than when you praise a student and see them motivated to continue their good habits and behavior. How would you bring education to be more about learning and less about getting good grades/doing what society has planned for you?
I feel like grades place a lot of pressure on students, which in turn causes them to be more concerned about getting the grade they want instead of really wanting to learn the subject. If we could get rid of grades and make the class a pass or fail, then I think a lot of the pressure will be taken off from the students. Students would have the liberty of actually wanting to learn the subject and not be pressured to get the grade needed to pass the class. 11/10/2015 0 Comments Poem: Blue Blue
Effervescent Coming up for air and Playing hide and seek in the reef Blue Rushing into every crevice She left in your life Blue blue Drinking you in and swallowing up Organs like a hurricane Blue Opening up windows Waking up mornings And saying goodbye at sundown Blue Leaving a bubbly trace of a glass slipper On your shore If you've ever watched Pocahontas, you're probably familiar with the famous song "Colors of the Wind." If not, the catchy tune basically is centered around the idea that John Smith (and his men) are not as all-knowing as they think they are. Pocahontas sings that "You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you. But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew you never knew." She then goes on to list all the things that John has missed out on and has never experienced due to his routine. Being the curious person that I am, I am always looking for new experiences to have, new things to learn, and new memories to make. I think this is really important because it allows you to grow and stretch yourself. Also, you might find something you love because you're forcing yourself into the unknown. This weekend, I had the privilege of satiating that hunger to explore. I took the train to LA and explored the Hispanic culture of Olvera Street, munching on the most delicious al pastor quesadillas at Grand Central Market. I also took in the culture in the neighboring Little Tokyo, complete with a sort-of-shrine known as "Go for Broke" that honored all the Japanese-Americans who fought for America despite the prejudices against them. If that wasn't enough of a culture immersion and step out of my normal routine, I even got to attend a teaching at a Buddhist center this morning. To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to it at first. Spending two hours in criss-cross-apple-sauced chanting words I didn't understand didn't really appeal to me. But once I opened my mind and allowed myself to let go of my anxieties and earthly irritation, I felt the humming of the teacher's recitation pulsing through me. I could literally feel the community of everyone breathing together and the experience actually even made me aware of certain ties to my own faith. It is so important to push yourself to try new things and to not limit your education and learning to a classroom setting. Even if you go to the art museum, pleasure read, or go see a movie about some unfamiliar topic. You will be flooded with that sentiment of exploring the new and that familiar sensation of DISCOVERY. So go out and explore, the world is waiting!
So as I mentioned in my last post, I have been diving back into my faith lately. But as I've started this journey for the second...third?...fourth(?) time, I've come to realize that something is different and that something is in my way. College. College is supposed to be the best four years of your life because as most people see it, it's the time to party, to let loose, and to live life before all the responsibilities of being an adult rains down on you. In other words, you can go out pretty much every day (if you really want to). I enjoy going out, I really do but lately I've found more pleasure in activities that my grandmother seems to enjoy: reading, cooking, getting coffee with friends, or even praying. This is harder in college because it doesn't fit the stereotypical college lifestyle. College is an environment that can potentially be filled with obstacles and booby-traps, hoping to bring you back into temptation and sin. So I decided to do a survey of some of my Christian friends my age and ask them how they live their lives (in hope of some inspiration). Let's meet them! JoyceHave you ever tried to hide your affiliation or are you open about your beliefs? Why or why not? I'm open, but I'm not the type to stuff it into people's faces. I like to brand myself as one by following the word of God as close as I can and by subtly introducing what my religious affiliation is. I believe that the best way to show that you're a Christian is by living and actively doing Jesus-like things instead of just saying it. But like every other Christian, when I was younger and cared deeply about what people thought about me, I did hide the fact that I believed in God. In what ways do you make God and your religion a part of your life? Well I'm human, so I don't always stick to the "Christian lifestyle." I only sometimes make it to church, I swear, and so on. But I do incorporate as much Jesus as I can into my personality and actions. I try my best to not judge, accept all, love all, and to always be thankful towards the true creator. I pray often and I lean on Him. I follow all the lessons He has taught me personally, like leaning on others when I'm feeling insecure or sad. I pray for people, no matter what religion they believe in. But to put it in basic terms, I just incorporate as much of my religion as I can into my choices, thoughts, feelings, and personality. When and where do you feel closest to God? I feel the most Godly presence whenever I'm in a Hillsong service. Those people go hardcore on their spirituality. Not that New Hope church doesn't have the same intensity, but Hillsong is a different atmosphere that every Christian should experience. Maybe it's because of the number of people there, but I've never felt closer to God than there. A specific moment when I was closest to Him was when I was on my way to OG Camp and my dad was asking all these questions about why I chose all of my current decisions at the time. And God whispered to me and was asking me the question that I was afraid of most, "has He ever judged you for being you?" I was going through self inflicting, self esteem trouble and didn't feel like I deserved anything. I knew that He really had heard my cries when He asked me that question. What makes someone a good Christian? Is it more about following the Bible and going to church frequently or more about being a good person overall? It's definitely living like Jesus. It's one thing to go to church and it's another to actually apply the message to your life. See, a church is the house of God. It's where people can praise and worship safely and with so many people who love God as much as you. But it's not required for you to make it to every service. What's required of you is to live as close to Jesus as possible. PaytonWhat is your favorite scripture? Colossians 1:15-2 What makes someone a good Christian? Is it more about following the Bible and going to church frequently or more about being a good person overall? I’m sure everyone has an image of what a “good Christian” is, but the fact of the matter is that none of us have it together. We all struggle and we all fail like any other person. In following the Bible and going to church often, should kindle our faith if anything. We are never going to be perfect Christians, but in pursuing Christ, following the Bible, and being present as the church, we will be getting to it. When and where do you feel closest to God? A common thing people forget is that the church is not a place, but us. Those who gather in faith in Christ are the church. So its not so much where I feel closest to God, but when. I would say that I feel closest to God among friends because I feel blessed to know these great people who God has put in my life, or this great university I get to go to, and this great meal I get to enjoy. All by the grace of God and the more I remember and acknowledge how blessed I am, I feel that I will feel closer and intimate with my relationship with God. In what ways do you make God and your religion a part of your life? Jesus forever. Without Jesus there is nothing that the world can offer that can fully satisfy my life. Sure I can keep busy keeping up with trends, fads, and other things, but ultimately what can give me the same hope as Christ. Other beliefs are flawed and Christianity is the only religion that has historical correctiveness to back it up. As I said, it is no longer I who lives, but Christ through me. I should look rather different, than someone who doesn’t believe in Christ, if not then I need to live out what I believe with more boldness. I go to church every Sunday too. How do you maintain your faith especially at an age when temptation is constantly surrounding you? Regardless of the temptations I encounter or desires I have, I know that I should never entertain what I want, but what Jesus calls of me. For it is no longer I who lives, but Christ within me. If anything, being tempted constantly should always lead me back to Christ because only in following Christ do I have life at all. CatieWhat difference does it make to have friends that are of the same religion as you? What difference does it make to be in a relationship with someone as the same religion as you? It makes a huge difference to have friends that are of the same religion as you. By having friends of the same religion, it ultimately gives you a solid common ground. You understand that you all have the same morals and you know that they won’t judge you based on your beliefs. To be in a relationship with someone of the same religion as you is huge. If you were to be in a relationship with someone of a different religion, or of no religion, they may not understand your morals or your basis of thinking because their will be completely different. Now this is not saying that people of the same religion all think the same, but it instead means that they all base their thinking off of the same God and same religion. Being a Christian is kind of like being in a long-term relationship with God. How do you maintain your faith when God can seem so far away? I maintain my faith by continuing to listen to worship music and maintaining my daily devotions. Even though God may seem far away from me at the time, I just have to keep telling myself that He would never abandon me. Name a time in your life that you moved away from God. What brought you back to him? During my senior year and into my freshman year of college, I really struggled with giving in to the desires of my flesh (not to say that I don’t struggle with it anymore), but it was a very compelling desire. I wanted to experience a secular life because it seemed “fun”. What brought me back was a desire to actually make my Christian friends proud instead of disappointed. I wanted them to think highly of me instead of having to pray that I don’t find myself too lost. What is your favorite scripture?
My favorite scripture is definitely “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love” (Galatians 5:13) 11/1/2015 0 Comments An Ache to Get AwayWhen I came to college, I was told that I wouldn't need a car. I was left under the impression that within walking distance there would be enough to satiate my constant craving to explore. But alas, no. The problem with living in a college town, is that you pretty much can never escape school. Most of your social life is somehow related to school whether it's through clubs or organizations. I work at an elementary 5 minutes away. I go to church 5 minutes away. Starting to see a pattern? It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with the school- oh no, not at all! But the problem is that in high school your home life and school life are obviously separated. In college, if you're still living in a dorm, you don't have that privileged distinction. Want to get coffee with your friend...on campus? Want to go to the gym...on campus? See my point? It can all get suffocating and routine-like, especially if you're like me, and you always need to be stimulated and feel in awe of the world. So why not just travel Alana? You don't have a car, but you can still get around! True...but then the problem of money arises. Everyone knows the tale of the broke college student. There are always events, concerts, and outings around you, taunting you, but you just never have enough money. You inevitably get tired of cafeteria food but alas your wallet is still empty. This is why location is so important in choosing a college. It's not just about what city or state you are in, but also in what type of environment you are in. College experiences can vary so much if you are in a city versus in a college town. In a city, school is just a small element of your life and students don't tend to be too involved on campus, since there's so much to do around them. In a college town, students usually become very involved with school organizations since they are more limited in what they can do. So that's kind of where I am now. Stuck in a college town and dreaming of cities like Portland where I get the best of both worlds: nature and metropolis. I ache to hike at sunrise and explore art museums in the city. I've been looking at train tickets to simply travel the state, but I first need to find a friend who would be willing to spend some hard-earned cash with me. So for now, I will simply follow travel blogs on Instagram and Tumblr and live vicariously through Anthony Bourdain.
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