Michelle Edwards is a senior at Chapman University pursuing her Bachelor's degree in Psychology. She also leads Active Minds on campus, an organization that promotes healthy discussions about mental illnesses, provides resources for those who need it, and aims to break the stigma on campus about mental illness. Read below for an interview on how society reproduces an idea of mental illness as weakness and imaginary and how we as students and future leaders can take practical steps to fight against those. There are endless negative stereotypes that surround the realm of mental illness. For one thing, talking about mental illness is considered a weak thing to do showing that there is a stigma about getting help and seeking out things like therapy. Also, each mental illness holds its own stigma or stereotype. Many people talk about Bipolar Disorder with huge misconceptions of individuals just being moody or going through a phase. The term "bipolar" is used casually to describe any person, even those without BPD, who is acting hot and cold. Another example of this is depression. It is a common mindset to believe that depression is just being sad, that it is something that comes and goes, and that it's just dramatization of something in your head. Because of actions and perspectives as these, people who actually have these illnesses feel invalidated and insecure, which hinders their healing even more. Active Minds is not a support group, but we do provide space for people to come and talk about their highs and lows in a comfortable and safe setting. People are able to speak openly about their diagnoses, illnesses, and struggles and are very supportive of each other sharing. The idea then is to try and mimic and expand this sort of accepting communication outside of Active Minds and into the rest of Chapman campus. Still, while it's great to have this club, we recognize that not everyone is going to brave enough to come to a meeting and many might be trying to deal with these things on their own. College is a place where mental illness flourishes due to the dangerous combination of newfound independence and overwhelming stress from school, friends, work, living situations, and more. Because there are so many obstacles that come with college, Chapman and Active Minds work with Student Psychological Counseling Services (SPCS) in order to actively pursue these conversations. While the services are excellent, we are currently working with the SGA to increase the amount of counselors on campus. SPCS provides 8 services to a student per semester due to their high demand, and we recognize that for many people this is not enough. We also host events such as NAMI Walk, Furry Friends for Finals, and the Metaphysical Mile in order to spread awareness and reach more people who might be intimidated in pursuing help. The Metaphysical Mile is one of my favorite events we put on. It starts with meditation, which we usually collaborate with the Mindfulness Club or Health and Healing Club on. Then we pass out pieces of paper with four prompts and ask people to write their story. They leave them anonymous, turn them in, and we pass them out to other people. The idea of this exercise is to put ourselves into someone else's shoes. In essence, this is an empathy building workshop. The event is different every year, but the great thing is that people will share similar stories, which shows us all that we are not alone in our journeys. When I meet new people and tell them that I have a mental illness, whether it's a history of depression or currently having anxiety, I am always worried people will judge me. Because of these stigmas, most people think that having a mental illness means I can't take care of myself or I'm not strong. So when I'm sharing about this, the scariest thing is people making that judgment. That's why Active Minds has been such a blessing for me. I wanted a club that was psychology-based, since that is what I'm studying. Active Minds was perfect because it fit my major and also helped me with my own mental illness history. For those who are struggling but are also afraid of seeking help, I would say find someone that you're comfortable with...someone that knows you really well and start there. It doesn't have to be something that you share with a lot of people, especially if you are afraid of the stigma. The best thing to do is just start a conversation about it and from there you can access more options. In other words, there are people that you can talk to without going to a therapist. We as human beings are social so we already look to others for support naturally. One important thing I've learned through all this is that we live in a progressive society so we shouldn't be afraid to speak our mind and talk to others about who we are. Your mental illness does not define you but it is a part of you. We all have mental health; we are all on the spectrum. Pursuing a Psychology major has been so fulfilling and humbling at the same time. Many people who study psychology do so to learn more about themselves in the process. I usually want to offer my own personal experience if we're learning about something I've experienced. My goal is to get my Masters in Social Work, become a social worker, and eventually go into therapy and work as a counselor. I also want to work with children of abuse. I recognize that this will be emotionally taxing since I'm such an empathetic person and internalize a lot of things so as I dive deeper into my field and career I must remember to make time to take care of myself as much as I take care of others. Michelle's Instagram: @chellekeepitfit
1 Comment
11/14/2016 0 Comments What it's like to be in therapy1. Getting super dependent on your therapist and not being able to talk about anything else 2. Hating your therapist for making you realize things you didn't want to about your life 3. Feeling super depressed after your sessions and not being able to function like a normal human being 4. Trying to do things on your own because let's be real therapy is stressful and expensive and our society promotes being able to handle our shit by ourselves 5. Attempting to replace therapy with alcohol, coffee, attention from the opposite sex in the form of meaningless compliments, and Netflix
Jonathan Vazquez is a youth pastor at a small church in Westminster called His Place. 67% of the people that attend this church have recovered from, or are currently recovering from, alcohol or narcotic abuse. His Place welcomes people to come as they are, breaking stereotypes by allowing people to see Jesus meet them in their pain, instead of asking them to don on appropriate church attire & get their life together before attending. Read below for an interview with Jonathan on how the image of Christianity has been corrupted today & how we can combat the negative stereotypes of Christianity. A couple weeks ago I did a message on a book called ‘UnChristian,' which analyzes research about what non-Christians think about Christianity and it was such a paradigm shifter and mind blowing kind of thing. They asked 440 non-believers to name some words or phrases that come to mind when they think of present day Christianity. The most common ones were: anti-homosexual, judgmental, hypocritical, old-fashioned, insensitive to others, and not accepting of other faiths. While I was in college and even now, my major and what I do can be more of a conversation ender than starter. 8 out of 10 people will try to end conversation once I tell them that I am a youth pastor. For example, a couple weeks ago I had a guy come up to me and start small talking. When I told him I was a youth pastor, he replied 'alright man enjoy your day' and left. There is a lot of baggage that comes with Christianity. Christianity needs to become more about relationship and discipleship than beliefs. When Jesus calls his disciples he says, “Follow me” not “Believe me," because he knows that belief will come once we begin to follow. Many Christians have a lot of negative beliefs rather than us being seen for their love. In John 13, Jesus has his last meal with his disciples. He gives them his final words on life & gives them a new commandment to love one another, explaining that their love for one another will prove to others they are Jesus' disciples. He is saying that love is the biggest evangelistic tool to witness to world. In our North American culture, we have not made Christianity about love. We are known a lot more for being judgmental. There’s something important that’s missing here. When you’re in your 20s, you have a lot of insecurities . I personally have always cared a lot about what people thought about me and since I have had a good amount of negative experience when I shared about my faith, there is a lot of fear in sharing. One time I took a student out for coffee and when the barista asked what I do, I told him I worked for a nonprofit. When I left, the student asked why I didn't tell him I was a pastor. I replied that I was scared of the reaction he would give me because I let the fear of what others would think of me overpower me. There are days when I can be confident in myself and what God has called me to do, and there are other days where I am timid. The senior pastor at our church worked in recovery and was actually an alcoholic himself. Our tagline or vision statement is “His Place is a perfect place for imperfect people." We are all about accepting people where they are at and most people are amazed by the type of people we are attracting. 67% are from AA, NA, or ALANON, actively working through or have worked through recovery in some sort of capacity. A lot of church experience has been that you have to have your act together before you step in a chapel. We believe that all should come as they are. His Place is unlike anything you’ve ever come to. A man came to my church when I was sixteen and called me out. He told me that God wanted to tell me I was going to be ministering to young people that are very broken and that I would have the opportunity to speak into their lives. So that was what launched the idea of being in ministry, it just felt right. After that seed got planted in my heart, everything fell into place. In college I studied religion with an emphasis in pastoral leadership and then spent a month volunteering at His Place. I was then offered my current job without even having to apply. There was so much fear in me of not wanting to take this on. I'm so young and have a lot of head knowledge but not a lot of experiential knowledge. I'm still growing as a person holistically and don't have a recovery background so working at a recovery church just seemed like 'why would I do that?' But I spent two or three days intentionally praying about it and I heard a voice that told me "Jonathan I trust you with it." I felt safe and comfortable that he trusted me so then I could trust myself. A lot of my friends and even I felt that I wasn't equipped well enough for this job. I sometimes think there has to be someone who has like eight more years to be doing my job. But this is something that God has called me to and a calling isn’t dependent on what I think or what others think...it's what God thinks. Every morning I will spend an hour hanging out with Jesus, in a way that is different than what most people will think of when they think of devotional time. I also do centering prayer in the morning and in the afternoon when I get home. I intentionally make time for personal devotional time (learning things and expressing things with God) in addition to professional devotional time (preparing for leading). I try not to do too much because I don't want to make even my quiet time about productivity and distract myself. I don't want to miss out on actually sitting and being with Jesus. I think when I meet God, I won't want to ask a question or say something profound to him. I’m mostly excited about being able to actually embrace my Savior. Ministry can be very frustrating because you see a lot going on with these kids and you want to fix them. But when they trust you, it's such a joy. Recently I interacted with a kid named Tyler who has never come to church & in service he decided to follow Jesus. The next week he brought his stepsister & mom to church and they accepted Christ. The week after, Tyler brought his stepbrother to church and he also accepted Christ. To be a minister means to be a small part in the process and to get to partner with God in what he’s doing and redeeming in students and in the world. I get to change culture and lead in changing culture. All these students don’t know what it means to be a family or what it means to love and I get to pastor them, which includes just hanging out and modeling for them what it means to love and be in relationship . It's so cool when you can see them changing and growing. When you go into this kind of work, you’ll never be as prepared as you want, but you just kinda gotta go for it. And schooling and training, while helpful, are not that important because God will equip you.
10/22/2016 2 Comments new poemLet’s get out of here and hang our worries on the clothes hangers that are breaking under our burdens. Let’s put our fears on a boat and wave them goodbye saying “they grow up so fast.” Let’s quest for a world where we don’t have to fight for our lives, where we won’t look at our hands and see blood. Let’s climb back into our mothers and breathe in our nonexistence. Let’s hide from each other, in each other. We should find ourselves, but not too quickly okay? See, answers are simple and usually written in the ways our freckles gather together, but I want to search. I want to revel in revelation. So, ask me a question and click ballpoint pens into my bloodstream. Drain me of the time my mother dropped me when I was young. Hang me from the ceiling and insult my God. Stick a needle into my arm and pump air through me until I say something honest for once. Bring honor back to my family. Interrogate and electrocute me and fight fear with fire until you are kneeling in a red puddle of wonder, your hands up high, sewn to an invisible man’s sweaty palms. Look, you are saved. Let’s be honest. Blood is beautiful and pain is pretty. This world is a lonely mother sending love letters to herself and we are the only ones who love her enough to end it. You sit with her on this cold tile floor and it feels like the time your girlfriend launched a rock into your throat. She thought she was saving you. She drowned you in the bathtub while the candles were dancing and God was watching and he was trying to lead you to the fire extinguisher he packed in your bag. As you lay there, water bubbling in your lungs and gurgling out your throat and lies resurfacing and truth pouring from every crevice, you were marinating in it. As you lay there dying, you thought how beautiful it looks when we are saved. Now, listen to that song you play when your heart is shattering. When you are sad, do you ever feel like you need to hug the notes? Swallow the chords until they feel whole again? You are a savior so you wonder if depression is a fallen angel or a perfect A student that let loose one night. You wonder if punishers need saviors or if punishers are saviors or if saviors are supposed to punish themselves. You are back in that bathtub. The water is filling the room and you reach out towards the slippery knobs. You are looking for a pen. You are looking for answers. You want her to know what it feels like to be saved. Let’s try to write a poem about what it means to be honest. Let’s discover a word that will shake someone out of themselves, let’s tell the truth: you want to save them all. Let’s be honest: you can’t. The earthquakes under your skin are distracting, you can’t focus, you can’t find that damn word. You find yourself kneeling in a red puddle of wonder, your hands sewn around an invisible man’s throat. You are saved, but you don’t like it. It’s too easy and too hard at the same time. All you feel are the words that won’t come and the love that is tickling your nose but running away. You are a worry hanging on a hook, a world isolated in fear of contamination, bloody hands that don’t know what to say sorry for. You are a question, an answer, and a poem with too many words.
But, slow your breath so you’re harmonizing with that song you play when your heart is shattering. Ask it how you are supposed to make yourself small enough to understand. See, you think maybe there is no truth, no quest, maybe there is nothing to search for. Your mother has disappeared and when the police interrogate you, you can’t remember what color the walls of her insides were. Look, there is no bathtub. There is no fire. There is just your knees wet in a red puddle of wonder and your hands sewn to themselves. There is no invisible man. You think maybe you want to find yourself, but not too quickly. So you ask God to lock you in a musicbox your grandfather gave you. You ask him to throw you in the water and look away. You don’t want to be saved. You want to search. "Being a teacher is hard." "Working with kids is hard." "Teachers don't get paid well." "I don't know how you do it." It's true. It's a tale that's been told for ages. Teaching is a highly-respected profession that people stray away from because they don't think they can handle it or they don't think they'll be able to pay the bills. These are reasonable fears that I've struggled with for some time, but what allows me to keep trekking through is the kids. I know that I'm making a difference in their lives because some of them don't have parents that are present enough to talk to them about their days or what they're struggling with. While I can imagine it can be difficult to take care of yourself while you are taking care of 15-30 kids, I think what gets you through at the end of the day is faith. Whether you believe in God or Allah or the universe or just yourself, being a teacher necessitates a strong belief that what you're doing will count and your hard work will pay off. I feel called to help form the younger generation into leaders who can learn from our mistakes about romanticizing the wrong things, valuing objects over people, prioritizing others' opinions over our own, etc. At the end of the day, I feel called to be present in these classrooms and after school programs. I know there is a deep deep need for love & that how we are treated as children will affect who we will become as adults. The time to act is now and there is an urgency in loving on these children while they are still being molded. Grab a seat and let's get started.
9/9/2016 1 Comment #OUTOFPLACE: NikkiHow would you describe the stereotypical college student? Always late to class or skipping class. Partying on the weekends constantly. You also never hear about a college student actually studying. When people make jokes about college students, it’s usually about how they’re not studious because they're spending their time going out. I like to think that most people are well rounded enough that they can do all things. In what ways do you break or defy stereotypes? In what ways do you conform to stereotypes? Well, I definitely conform to the stereotype of being Asian and loving math. But just because I find myself intelligent doesn’t mean that I’m a nerd or that I have to fit into that label. I mean I can still do everything else. I still go out I still have fun. I am not the typical Asian student. Another thing is that everyone thinks that all people from Hawaii surf. I don't. I didn’t learn how to swim until I was 15. I have never been a water baby. A lot of people don’t realize that being from Hawaii doesn’t make you Hawaiian. I’m Vietnamese and White. I guess all in all, I conform to some stereotypes. As a college student, I can be late to class every once in awhile but those few instances don’t define me. It’s not something that labels you -- or it shouldn’t label you. Have you ever been stereotyped before? Sometimes I say no to something and people will say, “you’re so lame," and that takes a toll on me because I hate to be characterized asa boring person. So because of that hate, I say yes to a lot of things and that’s why my plate is so full. If I’m afraid to do something, people will label me a “wimp.” I’ve also been stereotyped as “innocent” a lot. It just takes a toll on you because sometimes the things that people are saying to you don't fit into the goal of the person you want to be and they don’t realize how those words can affect you. Why is it important to have differences and embrace differences in society? I think in society we think collectively and end up being more successful that way. We are only successful because we all have different ideas to pitch and different perspectives to give. If we were all the same we wouldn’t get anywhere or progress as a community because conformity just confines you I think. We live in a paradoxical society in which people are trying to pull away from the mainstream and the “basic” and yet still want to feel a sense of belonging and fitting in. We want to be unique and similar at the same time. What are your thoughts on this? I want to work in the fashion industry, and in that career lifestyle you almost have to go with the flow. Still, there are different styles in fashion, so you have an example of that paradox there. I think that people look down upon being basic and being mainstream because it is the mainstream to look down on basics. It's almost like a joke. It’s not like you’re actually teasing people in that way. It's funny because you are teasing your friend and laughing with them because you do the same thing as them. It’s more like a funny thing. I also think that people conform because it’s more comfortable that way and most peope thrive in a more comfortable setting. There are those people who completely pull away from what others are wearing or saying and many times they get made fun of and called weird. So I can see why other people are afraid to stray away from the norm. How does Chapman as a school try to break stereotypes and promote differences? How do they foster an environment where stereotypes are promoted? Chapman encourages you no matter who you are. So many different organizations are recognized on campus and when you really look into them individually, there is a variety of of majors, races, and genders, etc. that are not necessarily what you would think. For example, so many members from our Hawai'i club aren't even from Hawai'i, which already defies a stereotype in my opinion. Nikki Nguyen
Instagram: @immnikki Website: http://nikkihawaii.wixsite.com/nikkihawaii 8/29/2016 0 Comments untitled free write
Going into this semester I am surprisingly calm despite my aggressively ambitious schedule. I like being busy, as I assume most Chapman students do. I like to think that it's a combination of feeling of value or worth, and also trying to prove to your family, your friends, and even yourself that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. There is also definitely competition and a feeling of survival of the fittest in a way that resembles a university-style rock paper scissors game. Which will win: involvement in three honors societies or commitment to a full-time job & an internship? People like to casually announce their commitments as if everyone is a scout and having your resumé memorized and able to recite in under 2 minutes is expected. Why? What bad thing is going to happen if we just sit down? What are we scared of in silence, in solitude, in peace? Why do we feel the need to fill up every corner of our schedule, to exhaust ourselves to the point of breakdown and then crazily go back for more the next day? Also why do we have a trend of clothing and accessories that seem to flaunt the idea of laziness, binge-watching, and basically being a potato? It's stupid. We encourage these types of behaviors by selling sweatshirts that say "Namastay In Bed" and "I Hate Running" and yet we hypocritically continue to talk shit about the people who actually spend most hours in bed. WTF PEOPLE?! There's some sort of paradox here where we say we are lazy in a way to sound humble while still participating in the hustle and bustle. Do you think anyone is going to high-five the college graduate who mooches off his parents and doesn't work? No. We'd tell him to get a job, because that's what you do in today's society. Just a thought.
8/24/2016 1 Comment moving into my own place like...1. Moving in & realizing your apartment is a lot smaller than the display room 2. Having to set up Wifi by yourself & the rep you call keeps trying to sell you the most expensive package 3. Actually being able to hear yourself think because there are no screaming freshmen & you are miles away from campus 4. Having to put together your own furniture because oh yeah I am living alone now 4b. Figuring out you have the wrong screwdriver but trying to make it work because Home Depot is too far to bike to 5. Writing down everything wrong and broken in your apartment so you can hold onto what little money you have 6. Trying out the complex's jacuzzi & pool 7. Asking your landlord for a second copy of your lease because you are an idiot & lost the first one 8. Sleeping on the floor because you still haven't assembled your bed 9. Cooking your first meal in your new kitchen and realizing all the things you still have to buy 10. Going up to a cute man with a puppy who apparently "doesn't like people" 11. Turning off your lights and fan every time you leave the room because bills are a thing now 12. Constantly being in a state of disbelief that you have your own room 13. Mourning the poor souls that still have to deal with the hustle and bustle of O-week 14. Realizing that school is actually only one part of your life now that you don't live at it 15. Pretty much always bragging about your place, your keys, your bike, and your independence while simultaneously avoiding questions like how much you pay for rent
8/16/2016 0 Comments poem: when I was 15
|