4/27/2016 2 Comments #NAKEDME“When I was 16 my sister got pregnant, And I remember sitting on the couch jokingly telling her to have the baby right now, and she went into labor that day! I was so excited! I love children, I can't wait to have my own, and I want to work with children, And the fact that my sister was going to bring a baby to the house was amazing. She was in labor for so long and when she finally was allowed to have visitors, I couldn't go in because you had to be 18 and I was 16. But then my grandmother came down from seeing my nephew and slipped her wristband off and onto me, So I was the first of his aunts and uncles to hold him. I just adore my nephew, he’s so smart and just so precious. The best feeling in the world is when I come back and he gives me the biggest hug and jumps into my arms. I babysit him a lot and we’ll just sit on the couch and cuddle. Those are probably the best moments.” “High school was hard. I was homeschooled until 8th grade. I loved my school and I had a lot of friends, but I was struggling with growing up, and moving to a normal school. Then around that time my sister got diagnosed with cancer and that started a spiral of hard times. She went through treatments and it was very difficult watching that, Right after she had finished her treatments my brother got diagnosed with the same type of cancer, And that was so tough to deal with because I come from a big family, so my mom had to take care of all of us. I didn't want to ask for a lot of attention because the rest of my siblings and parents were busy, But it could feel like I was being ignored and looked past." “I'm Catholic and I was raised Catholic, And I was also raised abstinent and as I got older it was something that I kept, And I still want to remain abstinent. But whenever it comes up in conversation, I feel naked. I am very straightforward but I get mixed reactions from people. Some are supportive but others treat me differently because of it. Some think I'm going to judge them because they're not abstinent, Others think it's a childish thing to not have sex when you get older, And they'll say to me 'Oh that's so sweet, I was going to do that too but then..." And it implies that it's not something that lasts. It's just hard when people tell you that you're not going to be able to follow through on something." “In my hometown we have the oldest community circus in the world, And I joined it when I was 8 years old and I continued it all throughout high school. I started out basic with the little tumbling girl act that gets you integrated, Then I decided to go into unicyicling and juggling. One year I moved up to intermediate unicycling class and I started helping out with beginning class. When I was 16 I showed up for class and my trainer pulls me aside. I thought I was in trouble and she goes, 'We’re looking for a new beginning unicycle trainer,' and they offered me the job! I always loved helping out and helping people grow and achieve their goals, But I couldn't believe that they saw that in me. I accepted and that was a defining moemnt because it showed me what I was capable of. I ended up teaching beginning unicyicling for 3 years and it helped me build my confidence. The circus made me who I am today." “I love my ability to look at things from multiple perspectives. Obviously I'm not perfect, But when someone bugs me, I strive really hard to take a step back, And recognize that I don't know what they're going through and that I've probably done the same thing. Everyone is going through their own journey and I need to focus on myself and not them.” “I'm very harsh on myself. I have a lot of friends who come up and tell me they love me so much...friends do that. But many times I struggle to see what people see in me and what is it about me that keeps them coming back. There are days when I look at myself and I'll think 'Am I extraordinary in any way?' This happened a lot in high school because all of my siblings are so smart, And I've watched them go through so much, and they are just my idols. I come from a small city and a lot of people knew my siblings and would say, 'Oh your brother did this' and 'Your sister did this' and 'Your dad did this,' And it felt like I was always defined as somebody's sister or somebody's daughter, So I try really hard to distinguish myself from others and be my own person." "I am terrified of bugs, spiders especially.
I’ve had to call people in to kill bugs for me. Im also afraid of heights. I love looking at them but I’ll get to the cliff and be trembling. On a deeper level, I think the thing I'm most afraid of is to get really close to someone on an emotional level. I'm afraid of giving a person my emotions, That connection when you open yourself up is so vulnerable. It's hard knowing who you can trust with those feelings and I hate putting my feelings onto others, Because I feel like I'm burdening them. I'd rather they come to me. I know relationships have to be give and take, But it's hard for me to tell people what I'm going through. I have to remind myself that it won't give them power over me and that they’re not going to look down on me for struggling.”
2 Comments
Megan Blair
4/28/2016 02:33:02 pm
Katie, thanks for sharing your beautiful heart. I can relate to your story in so many different ways! Keep on shining, because without your light this world would not be as beautiful.
Reply
Cary
4/28/2016 09:09:11 pm
When you were born into this world you were shaped in the image and likeness of our Lord Jesus Christ and what a blessing it has been To see you grow into the fine young lady that I see in her writing and and who UR of a child of Christ sometimes the road is bumpy in the mountains look like they're hard to climb . keep your faith your dignity and your values . you'll succeed . love always Cary
Reply
Leave a Reply. |