4/10/2016 0 Comments #NAKEDME“One really sad moment for me was when I had just moved from my old Wisconsin home to Maui. I woke up one morning and realized that I had just left everything that I knew: All my friends and all my belongings and everything that I had comfort in. I just started bawling and I wasn’t really hopeful for the future. It almost felt like we had made a mistake moving from something so secure to something so unknown." “When I finally told the guy that I liked for two years how I felt about him, I was so vulnerable because I was putting myself out there. But I knew it was something I had to do. It was a scary moment, but it was also a very courageous and defining moment in my life. So I don’t look at it in a negative light. It was more of an exposure that I have the strength to put myself out there even in the face of possible rejection.” “I'm ashamed of my feelings sometimes. My whole life I’ve been taught to keep my feelings to myself, which is why I come off as being such an easygoing person whose usually pretty emotionally intact. It's just because I’m very good at surpressing my emotions. My whole life I’ve always been the person that people would go to to voice their problems. I had to be strong for them and I think that taught me that vocalizing my emotions is a weakness. I don’t want my life to be a burden on anybody else. I try to cause the least amount of inconvenience to others as I can, and maybe I feel like my problems aren’t as big as the problems of other people, So I just keep them to myself. I don’t want to burden people with my life.” “I have these pretty blue eyes. I love them so much because nobody in my family has blue eyes, so it’s something that has made me unique. I like the idea of being special and different. Eyes can tell a lot about a person. I feel like I can see the emotions that people wouldn’t normally voice in their eyes. Hopefully they can see a bit of the emotions that I try so hard to suppress in mine.” “I always struggle with my stomach. It’s this little insecurity. I always want to feel like I'm skinny and for me it’s like a healthy and strong thing and if I have a bit of what I think is fat, I think I have to eat better or exercise more. I struggled with an eating disorder in high school. Not that it's as bad as it was before but the thoughts come back that my worth is defined by how skinny I am or what I eat, And those lies come back especially in high stress situations or when I don’t feel loved. My stomach has always been something that I’ve tried to hide." “My greatest fear is to be insignificant. I want my life to have a greater meaning.
I want to know that I'm making a difference; I want to know that I am treasured and valued so my greatest fear is that I'm worthless in some way, Or that I'm not living up to be the person that I'm actually meant to be, Which is why I like to be productive with my time because it stops my fear in the moment. But obviously I cant 't busy 100% of the time so I’ve been learning how to rest. My true identity doesn’t come from what I do but rather from my relationship with the Lord. He's been allowing me to have restful times with Him that are more fulfilling to my spirit than any other ‘productive time’ I could have.”
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